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When I first watched this vid, I thought, “Ok, nothing too special. Nice cock, but you can get that anywhere (if you’re a lucky girl!).”

Then I realized that Laura Lions actually has real breasts! I suppose that it has been so long since I’ve seen them in porn that I nearly failed to recognize them! Men (and women, too, including me) have forgotten what a real breast looks like; so accustomed we now are to these misshapen monsters that threaten to break through the skin they’re in. So as I watched Laura’s flop around as real tits do, I actually thought how odd they were. But they’re not! They’re natural! And in the scene where Laura is sitting up and her saddle man is squeezing and bouncing her lovely big breasts, we are all reminded why boobs - natural boobs - are beautiful.

Oh, and guys? Take special note of how gently he inserts his cock into her anally. Remember that. Real women aren’t blow-up porn dolls. Treat us right, and we’ll make it worth your while.

Is it possible for anything in life to compare to a great blowjob?

Believe it or not there is one thing.

Road head.

Yep.

Road head.

Now in this Taxi Cab encounter our boy gets some love from his co-passenger in the back seat of the cab. I am of the opinion that for it to truly count as road head the receiver must be driving. The back seat of a cab is, however, an acceptable substitute in a pinch.

On a personal note I should say that the single best blowjob I ever received was while I was driving a brand new Porsche down a crowded city highway at about 110 (no shit this really happened). When I blew I nearly lost control and sideswiped a semi (who I am fairly certain was watching the show).
The best part was that she was so turned on that she was dripping wet and got the passenger seat stained with her pussy juice. I normally would have been upset except that the car was repossessed about a week later.

Good times.

Cheers-
The Professor

She Said:

Overall, I found this clip pretty boring with the exception of the set and costumes. First of all, I would like to know where this dude shops. His outfit is right out of JCPenney’s 1987 “Back-to-School” catalog. Given the room this threesome is fooling around in, I would have expected a velvet set of pajamas or simply gold silk boxers. Are they at Grandma’s House? Or are they at one of the many cheesy furniture stores that line any given ghetto street? I don’t know how these shops stay in business. I think we’ve all seen these before.

Now, the girls’ costumes. My first criticism is the thong worn by the angel. Leopard print? Come on, would an angel be wearing leopard print panties? She should have switched with the devil because she had white panties on. Pretty tame for the devil if you ask me. Leopard print would have been more appropriate for her. The headband on the angel appears to be made of some cheap wiring. You know what, I am going to stop myself. Everything they have on is cheap. The costumes were probably picked up at the drugstore the day after Halloween. My favorite thing about the video is the glowing devil horn headband. I am glad they were able to snag one of those!

As for the sex…the ass slaps are pretty lame and we don’t even get to see the blowjob!

He says:

I guess I better check my underwear next time!

I couldn’t help laughing out loud at this attempt to make porn look smart. First of all, our starlet stumbled over the word “abdicate”. She has a lovely young voice, but she looks eons away from her teen years.

And then our “stud” comes onto the scene, and presents his semi-firm cock resting on the open book. Surely, this is not what Guttenberg intended when he invented the printing press.

“Don’t you read with your lips?”

Who says that? What does that even mean? Thankfully our starlet puts conversation on hold by taking that cock in her mouth - effectively silencing the pair of them. She seems to rather prefer the cock to the book. Frankly neither looked that interesting to me. But then again, like our starlet, I have always taken to sucking cock with gusto. Imagine how she’d behave in a library…

Here we have a clip that is both flawed, disturbing yet somehow sexy.

The chick is not very cute. She is, however, very very high. The clip starts with her blowing some dude who has a medium stiff bendable. She can barely keep her eyes open and he can’t seem to get it up.

We never see more of him than his unimpressive cock and hairy chest. This is not a bad thing.

Her blow job is not very impressive. It is hard to tell if she simply hates herself for doing this or is just too stoned to get into it.

Eventually she does get him hard enough.

One quick edit and he has a rubber on.

He throws her on her back. Her horse face is now more or less out of frame. She does have a pretty nice body and really nice tits.

The clip says that he is taking her anal cherry. I have had enough ass sex to state with full confidence that this is not her first time.

He goes deep and hard with no real warm up.

She seems to finally feel something. Her moans are either moderate pleasure or quiet pain dulled by the knowledge that she won’t be able to pay her trailer rent without finishing what she starts.

He pumps her pretty hard and finally takes mercy on her and slows it down a bit. This is the part that is disturbingly hot. It isn’t that she is there against her will but the feeling that she is definitely going to hate herself for doing this and that this dude could care less is part of what good low budget porn is all about.

Well worth the two minutes.

Cheers-

The Professor

While I am not associated with the music profession, and I don’t know much about it, I can still feel pretty certain that this was not the original intended purpose for a soundboard.

Austin of the very fake tits (really, they seem to decide for themselves just where and when they will move – I think they’re trying to escape) takes the full length of this cock into her, and loves it. She has this little pinch of pubic hair that reminds me of Tico Torres from Bon Jovi. Strangely, that doesn’t distract me from watching her get plowed and loving every second of it. Actually, the tits are far more distracting than the Tico Pinch.

With age and experience comes a broader understanding of the joys to be found in sex.

Nothing compares to the rewards of exploring the body of a woman. In my opinion you can only truly pass into the world of “fucking” (as opposed to just having sex or, god forbid, making love) by elevating the pleasure of your partner above your own.

I really believe that.

Selflessness is not, however, mutually exclusive with personal gratification.

Without diminishing the value of getting her off let’s consider the money shot. Payment for services rendered.

I cannot overstate the importance of the location of the money shot.

Inside is good, inside the ass is better. A chest shot has a certain charm.

Coming in your lovers mouth is, however, the ultimate joy. This assumes, of course, that she swallows as spitting ruins it all.

That is why I like this clip. Not only does he get to cum in her mouth, she really seems to enjoy it. I don’t understand why he stopped fucking her so early that he has to jack off for so long. Nor do I understand why he opts to cum outside her mouth and not as deep in her throat as possible (although I do see that the shot would not be as visually interesting if he was too far in her mouth).

So take a look and raise your glass to women who swallow and like it!

Cheers-
The Professor

She Said:

I have a few questions…

Who is Vanessa Hudgens?
Why did these photos ruin her career?
What the fuck does she do?

I have not been keeping track of current events lately but I find it strange that I don’t even know who Vanessa Hudgens is. I consider myself pretty hip when it comes to pop culture.

All of this aside, I am pretty baffled as to why these photos ruined her career. I find them pretty tame. Unless she is a spokesperson for the Religious Right or a role model for pre-teens, why would these photos even warrant attention? After I finish this post, I am going to Google Miss Hudgens so that I can get the scoop. I chose to write this prior to doing so because there is a pretty good chance that she is a nobody and the story is far less interesting than anything I could dream up.

We don’t even get a nudie!

He said:

You don’t know who Vanessa Hudgens is?

She is only the star of High School Musical, the bestest movie of all time!

OK, I didn’t know that until I googled her.

So here is some “wholesome” young actress.  Apparently it is her status as a Disney movie starlet that makes these photos scandal worthy.

I must admit she is pretty cute.

I am only slightly disturbed that she was born when I was a senior in high school.

These photos only remind me just how much I love the Internet.

I feel that it is my right as an American to see nudie pics of every woman I see.

Maybe her next film will be:

Bedroom Musical!

The Professor

This pretty young brunette takes care of two hard cocks at once. One is long and proud, the other… not so much. She doesn’t look like the usual cracked-out whores that show up in too many videos, their eyes glazed, their skin like leather. No, this girl looks like she has a great sense of humor about the whole thing. Though, if I were the guy with the little unit, I would probably prefer that she be a little less humorous.

I would have played the scene a little differently, sucking the Jerkin’ Gherkin while that great big member plowed into me from behind. But hey - I’m just the reviewer. And after all, it’s good for the skin, so she might as well take all she can get. Maybe that’s what keeps her looking so fresh…

We’re already a week into the month of May, and the days are long and warm. We can get outside and enjoy ourselves. Pack a picnic, and lay a blanket down. What we choose to do on that blanket is up to our imaginations…

Ellen takes advantage of the warmer weather to enjoy some outdoor activity. Looks a lot more fun than frisbee! That’s a beautiful cock she’s ministering to – I know I would enjoy that popsicle on a hot summer’s day!

I must however question the need to show us the electrical boxes behind the building. Did we really need to see them? I would rather watch Ellen suck the cock!